I'd rather be dead
I'd rather be dead than spend another god damn day in my fucked up life. (No, I'm not suicidal. I'm too much of a wimp to actually kill myself. Hurt myself, yes, if you count ramming my head into things. Maybe professional help isn't quite out of the question....)
Mel Brooks had a movie called "Life Sucks." An apropos description, yet I've managed to put up this facade of things being okay. They're not. And things have to change.
I'd love to wake up the morning of January 1, 2006 as a new person. But it wont happen. But I can make changes. And that's what the Phoenix in this site is about. The rising up from the ashes.
So I begin 2006 with this process of starting over. It wont be easy. It'll be ugly at times. It'll hurt. But it has to be done.