Preachers Kids and Sex

So let me get this straight: You knew one preacher's children. You are watching a television show that, by the very fact that it is a television show and needs saucy content to get ratings, confirm your single preacher's children paradigm.

Do you think you might be jumping the gun with this one?

And by the way, the whole idea of God's grace is that we can be saved, even though we are all sinners. And even after we are saved, we continue to sin. Except now we prefer not to. But it still happens.

And what our children do? We can only pray and hope that they make good choices. But ultimately the choices remain theirs to make.

Regards

Paul

PS: Nice blog, mate.

Just finished another blog where my comments were in the same line as this topic. The Right Wingnuts need to look inward and not outward, as Jesus has told us to do. And we are saved not by merit but by faith - John 3:16.

Yes, preacher’s kids have problems just like any other kids.
Anna Freud writes, “It is normal for an adolescent to behave for a considerable length of time in an inconsistent and unpredictable manner; to fight his impulses and to accept then; to ward them off successfully and to be overrun by them; to love his parents and to hate them; to revolt against them and to be dependent on them; to be deeply ashamed to acknowledge his mother before others and, unexpectedly, to desire heart-to-heart talks with them; to thrive on imitation of and identification with others while searching unceasingly for his own identity; to be more idealistic, artistic, generous and unselfish than he will ever be again, but also the opposite: self-centered, egoistic, calculating. Such fluctuations between extreme opposites would be deemed highly abnormal at any other time of life. At this time they may signify no more than that an adult structure of personality takes a long time to emerge" (Viorst, pp.150-151).
No, Preacher’s kids are not immune from adolescence with all its implications and consequences. In fact, it is much worse for them—unbearably so—than for other children. The reason is epitomized by the article that you wrote, namely, that people expect more of these children and make them constantly aware of whose children they are. They are criticized by adults and their peers everywhere they go and about nearly everything they say or do. Instead of being simply accepted as a child going through adolescence, they are held to a higher standard and humiliated because of who their parents are. This unrelenting pressure does not end when they come home from school, but continues at church and every other function where they are around people. C.W. Lincoln, a minister, once said, "My kids would be better if they didn't have to associate with the brethren's kids."
The documentation concerning how this enormous pressure affects preacher’s children during adolescence is vast. Their only relief is in withdrawal from social contact—something a child does not need to do during adolescence—or in abandoning all pretense of being a minister’s child. A minister’s child often will go to the extreme to prove that they are “normal” children, even if it means they become the worst rowdies in the crowd. It is an attempt to escape from the suffocating pressure of constant spotlight criticism threatens to destroy them.
Of course, I do not expect people who hate Christians and ministers in particular to understand or even sympathize in the slightest. In fact, they probably take satisfaction that such tremendous pressure exists for minister’s children, and rejoice when these children fail to live up to secular society’s unfair expectations of them. It is another amazing example of how secular perpetrators often accuse their Christian victims of being offenders. They make these children bleed, and then criticize them for bleeding in public.

It is certain that heartless people make the minister responsible for what society (the same heartless people) does to his or her children during adolescence. The minister is expected to do what most parents fail to do, i.e., raise perfect children by what ever force or means necessary. These same heartless people expect the minister to strictly discipline his children until they become exact copies of Christ whether they choose to do so or not. The fact is that a minister’s child must choose to become a Christian just as everyone else. God does not force them, or expect a minister to force them, to become Christians just to satisfy the unjust expectations of a society that often lives far beneath those same expectations. Being a minister’s child does not guarantee anyone of automatic sainthood. It will guarantee these children of having to endure the worst sort of scrutiny and being placed under the most unbearable set of standards imaginable at the worst period of his or her life. Their life within the “glass house” comes with the strongest magnification of public surveillance.

Jesus Christ called a little child to Him and said, "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” People who practice social terrorism on minister’s children during adolescence will not escape while pedophiles are judged. The unfair standard that they hold these children to will one day be justly used to judge their own lives.

Of course, you fail to acknowledge that, in America, there is this Vast Left Wing Secular Conspiracy that wants this country free of all things God (the Christian version, of course.) The only way they can do this is to attack everything that stands for what Christians believe the truth is.

It alldepends on your perspective.

What does it matter whether or not the preachers kids are havin sex or not? Why do you care? Honestly it should not matter to anyone except for the parents of the PK and of the PKs partners. No one cares if the doctors kids are sleeping around, so what makes PKs so different. In case you didn't notice....it's the parent who decided to preach the word of God....NOT THE CHILD! The kids are dragged into lives that are hard enough without people spazing out and getting all into their business. they already have to deal with the comings and goings of the church, keeping up the appearance of not know that so-and-so's husband is sleeping around or so-and-so just had their fifth miscarriage in a row, and going to all the services that no one else attends. They really don't need people like you spreading stereotypical rumors to everyone on the internet.
and I should know.....I am a member of a vast community of PKs who have to deal with jerks talking about us because they are avoiding the fact that PKs are no different then thier own!

It is impossible for any non-christian to "accuratey depict" anything Christian.

As you know, David - The "Natural man" receives not the things of God, for they are "foolishness" to him, becauSe they are spiritually decerned.

To others - there is no excuse whatsoever for a child to not Glorify His Creator. David was 16 when he conquered Goliath.

Get your children out of public schools and watch the statistical sin drop to low levels.

"Come out from amongst them and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and I will receive you..."

If you are sending impressionalble minds to an environment hell bent on denying Christ and all He is - What do you expect the outcome to be? Your Christian child is getting mixed messages people - WAKE UP!!!!!

Hi,
I am a pastors kid from Ghana.
I have a vision to gather pastor's
kids for prayers and teachings.In
view of what have been through,
I would'nt any of the pastors kids
to go through and also to
encourage them.
Please assist me with this vision.

Nana Afua Serwah Boadi-
Darkwah
Action Chapel Int.Tema-Ghana

Hold on a minute!!! Im the daughter of a pastor and Im not havimg sex or acting crazy. That was very immature of you to say that....... You need to speak to some "PK's" and think about what you just wrote.

I just wanted to say that I disagree with this article. My pastor a couple of weeks ago said that even a good and godly parent can have a rebellious child. Even God's own children, the Isrealights, many times went away from God openly disobeying and denying him (read the book of exodus)and God is the perfect parent! A parent cannot make a child love and follow God this is a choice that he or she must make on their own. I know this may seem as a "christion phrase" but it is true, Christions are not perfect they are simply forgiven. I don't think that you have a correct view on Christians. You are taking one or two examples of "Christians" that you either personally know or saw on television and stereotyping millians of people who actually have a solid and growing relationship with the Lord. Now I'm not saying that the people that you were using as examples are not true Christians. I do not know their hearts I only see their actions but everyone sins whether it is having premarital sex or stealing a candy bar from a gas station. It says in the Bible that lying to someone is like putting a sword through through them and that murder is abhorrant to him. From the seemingly smallest sins to the largest God hates them all yet He loves us and continually forgives us over and over and I think that is absoulutely amazing. I hope that you read my comment and honestly take into consideration what I'm trying to say and then think about what you are saying.

hello, my name is Ayana and I kinda know how it feels to be a preacher's child becuase i am a ministers child. yes, it is hard becuase your judged for every little thing that you do. Having sex outside of marriage is very common among youg people these days. i don't agree with it, but it's not like these things are planned. Preacher's kids are regular people jus like anyone else. That's why they are kids.Being that they are kids they are going to make mistakes and make bad decisions becuase they are human just like anyone else.Sometimes when these kids rebel it's not their parent's fault, the devil tries to knock the leader down so the whole sanctuary can FALL, and no offense, but people who judge others because of what the world is doing help create these images.and please also remeber that everyone is a sinner.Thank You

The truth remains that it is not all pastors kids that get involved in such acts. As much as i belived that pastors kid must be faithful kids {God's expectation of pastors kids} Titus 1:6, i do not encourage all these unnecessary publicity about the vices of Pastors kids.Why dont we talk about and celebrate those ones who are living fine?Or do you want to say there are none-definately not.Therefore instead of creating bad images for the Pastors' family lets see how best we can support pastors to raise Godly children. I presently run a ministry that is taking care of the P.K'S issue.Helping them to manage the challenges of being a PK very well.Since i am also a PK and can understand what we all are going through.Coincidentall as God will have it i also find myself being a pastor and not only me but three out of four children of my parent are already leading a church. So lets stop the noise about PK's vices and spread the virtues.
Pastors Family Ministries is out to be used by God to erase the sons of Belial tag fro PKs.
From Sam Idowu-President PFMI Nigeria

I'm a PK. Thanks for your commentary on me. Problems in "Christian circles" have nothing to do with your opinion of PKs or what they do. A lot of PKs are people who have the privilege of seeing things from the inside. We understand the politics. We understand the problems. But we also understand the blessings, the anointing, the love, the hope, and the vision to change. If anyone dislikes asshole-christians, it's us. Luckily, I was able to overcome the bitterness and resentment towards such people. I asked God (YHWY) over and over to help me see them the way He does. It was eventually settled in my heart. They are doing the only thing they know how... kinda like the liberals who continually regurgitate all the stuff they know to say about Christians. "For they know not what they do."

Although I faced many struggles, my experiences led me to the love and knowledge of God. I am very greatful for them. And, yes, in case you're wondering, I have had sex. It only hurt me. It's natural for people to seek companionship and sex. Part of the issue is that Christians are trying to live up to certain standards while maintaining our culture's standards. So now it's normal to marry in your late 20's and early 30's, but for Christians that means bypassing 10-15 years of readiness. It's not reasonable or acceptable. How bout if we stop trying to force Christianity into the submission of American culture? The earth is Yahweh's and the fullness thereof! Enjoy life, love, and sex. Don't weaken it or water it down with culture and religious traditions. There is a love that's stronger than death. This is the bond that makes you willing lay down your life for your spouse and family. There sex is safe and cherished and honored, just like you want to be.

I am the daugher of a retired Pastor. My dad is an awesome guy and my relationship with my parents improved 100% over what it was when my dad was active in the church. Nobody had a right to comment on the lives of the minister's family until they have walked a few miles in their shoes. Church life is hard. It has taken me several years of therapy to be able to forgive certain ungrateful members of past congregations who thought it was their job to judge me. I'm still working on the eating disorder I developed as a result, but all in good time - and with God's help.
Everyone in the church thought I should be Laura Ingals Wilder, but the truth of the matter is that God made me more of a Carrie Bradshaw type. I was never given the opportunity to be who God made me to be until I got far from the church. I was never far from God - just far from the fishbowl of ministry life. I am a good person doing God's will, I'm not doing the will of past congregations. There is a BIG difference between the two.
When it comes to preachers kids - people should really just keep their opinions to themselves because they don't really know what they are talking about.

Hey,
This is a hot topic! I am a grown pk(2 and relate to what all the other pastor's kids are saying on this blog. I am actually in the middle of writing a book about what pastor's kids go through. I want to help them navigate the unique issues teenage pastor kids go through. I am in need of some real life stories and experiences with living as a pastors kid. If any of you would be willing to share a few stories I would really appreciate it. I wish there was a book like I am writing when I was a teenager-let's help those younger than us.

Please respond via this blog or you can e-mail me directly at albritton4@hotmail.com. I won't take up too much of your time and I can help jog your memory with some of my own stories... Please respond with any comments, stories or questions..anything would be helpful. Thanks so much!

I have seen the same problem that you write about in your blog, and I have considered it over and over. My father is a preacher, and I have grown up in the church all my life. Guess what? Preacher's kids are no more perfect than your own kids, and unless they make a personal decision to follow God themselves, they probably will try every last thing out there. Being a preacher's kid doesn't make us perfect, doesn't make it easier to do right, and doesn't make us Christians. That's a personal decision. God doesn't have grandchildren.

Everyone must find their path in life and no single influence is going to change this fact. I have seen often in my own life, the kids of any parents which are most strict are usually the kids that rebell the hardest. If solid morals are installed in a child while they are in their youth, this is all a parent can do; if the teen ultimately chooses a different path then the worst thing a parent can do is combat them on this choice.

This is one of the few places where I've actually seen PK's write anything online. If any of you PK's want to get in touch with another PK, I'm on www.myspace.com/tinygail

In my experience i found that if you put pressure on someone to suppress their desires, they're just going to want it more.

Humans want to have sex...that's what we're designed to do. To make yourself not want it is just going against God's design.

I don't know why this should even be a topic of debate. Of course preacher's kids have sex, out of wedlock or not! They are human. There is nothing about being the offspring of a person employed in the religious field that somehow is a deterrent against such behaviors. It's hormones. Religious upbringing does not in any way prevent an increase in testosterone, or the short-sightedness of the teenage brain.

Hello, everyone! My name is Kari, and I too am a PK.

Being a PK is a very specific "glass house" experience, that most of the world knows nothing about. I think it's time we PK's start really sharing our experiences, sharing our observed imbalances and politics in the church, so that things can change for the better.

I'm very excited to read that some of you are starting groups/writing books. I've created something called the "PK Pledge". Please check out my blog and sign it at the bottom:

http://karisheadspace.blogspot.com/2008/06/yes-i-am-preachers-kid.html

Blessings,
Kari

It seems that things have not changed. Are you disappointed when you see a preachers kid that is not full of spiritual sayings that sound really cool or can quote the bible verse by verse? Are you also disappointed when you see a PK that is "not the worst kind?" As you know preachers kids have to fit into both categories. When they are young they are called the worst kind and when they get into their teens they are expected to have the wisdom and expertise of a priest. Bible verses and theology have to roll off of their lips like milk and honey.

It is easy to point a finger at a kid that is just trying to make it through the day, that is having stones thrown at him or her left and right by members of the community and especially of the congregation. Try to imagine what is like to face each day knowing that the hostility of people you have not wronged and try to understand why they do not like you. Is it easier for you to justify their own short comings when you can criticize a kid?

So when it comes you your religious practice what do you want? A kid that is "the worst kind" or a holy guru? The choice will be yours!

I know a man who claims that he is a Baptist preacher although I have never seen him preach one sermon, but I have seen his plaques concerning him being an ordain minister at his apartment and I have seen a couple of written sermons. Anyway, at the age of 22 he had a child out of wedlock. He's been married twice. He had one child with his first wife and no children with his second wife since she could not have children. After that divorce he had three kids out of wedlock by three different women. The kids range in age 6, 4, and 2. Its one thing for a preacher to mess up once or twice but three times and three right there in a row with three different women. What's worse, he said that about three to four years ago he was involved with a lady who ended up pregnant by him and who decided to have an abortion without telling him. Why at some point she decided to tell him what she had done, I don't know, but the fact of the matter is, seems to me this so called preacher was messing around with FOUR women at the same time.
In addition to what you all are saying, his first child he had out of wedlock (and I am not even going to tell you the story on that one) ended up pregnant at the age of 16 or 17 and dropped out of high school. She is just studying or receiving her GED at the age of 19 or 20.

I agree with you cold Heartedly. I actually posted to this site stating that I know a preacher who has had four children out of wedlock by four different women. Three of the children are very close in age; 2,4,and 6 are their ages. He also stated that about three to four years ago he was involved with a woman who ended up pregnant but she decided to have an abortion without telling him. Here you have a preacher who is continuously fornicating with several women. So, you know it doesn't matter if the preacher is legitimate or not, children are going to do what they are going to do, just like the preacher is going to do what he is going to do. You just have to stick to your guns and to your religious beliefs and bring your children up to the best of your ability. I had a child out of wedlock and my mom taught me right from wrong, but I chose the other path and of course I am paying the price now, but I made the choice not her. Just think, you have kids who probably have never gone to church or who are Atheists who get married as virgins. I mean, everything is all in our choices.

I am also a PK and im going through a lot of temptation and sometimes it's hard to resist, i am not proud of what i have done and i am not making any exuses for myself but It's really hard when sex desires get you...i am not just a PK i am also a worship leader and having sex several times have made me feel worthless before God,

But it's not right when people start judging cause they have no idea what we go through to tryna please our parents and trying to live a holy life, i am ashamed of some of the things i have done and i hope God can forgive me and annoint me once agian because i can live knowing i disappointed my parents but i can't live my life knowing God has turned his face away from me...what would be the point of life if God wants nothing to do with my life.

I have a ministry for preachers children and i believe by God's grace we are special people.Having premarital sex is a sin and the Bible tells us all as christians to flee not to model when we sense or are caught up in the trap. We all make mistakes one way or the other but we shouldnt pamper sin and justify ourselves.A preachers kid is like any other child but society expects us to know better since they believe that CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME.We need a Special grace and determination to say NO to the king's delicacy in any form.It might and always look attractive and appealing to the eyes.May God helps us to see beyond and know that mighty and wonderful things are ahead. Nana serwah afua boadi,PREACHERS KIDS MINISTRIES(ghana-accra)

God is so merciful but its my prayer you dont abuse the grace of God in your life.I do understand the temptations we go through as preachers children but it is our duty to cooperate with the HOLY SPIRIT to give us the enabling grace and a strong willed spirit to flee.As a worshiper its you who drive the people to the THRONE ROOM OF GOD so please shake the past off,go back to God sincerely and ask him to give u another chance.Have quality time in His presence,Check the people you also call as friends.Do not leave in guilt and delight,study and meditate on God's word every day.Take one day at a time dear and i know the prayers of your parents for you will never go unanswered.GOD STILL S YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE!!! NANA AFUA s boadi (Preachers kids ministries)